how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
