His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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