we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
