He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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