"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
