I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
