Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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