Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
