Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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