then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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