in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
