My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
