I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
