She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Randomize
