I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
