Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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