I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He kissed a someone with a penis
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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