He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
