You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
