yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
