a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
