So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
