:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
