He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude. I can hear the air.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
