Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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