last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
