i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
