Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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