she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
