Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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