ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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