I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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