Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
