doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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