Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
