I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
