I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
