ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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