I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
