he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
