Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
