i can't believe i had my finger in that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
