we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
