she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
