Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
