Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
