If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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