And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
