If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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