Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
