***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
