Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
