I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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