Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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