Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
