i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
