Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
